my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
