how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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