I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry about my life...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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