the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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