Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
