Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
