Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
