This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
