am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is classic penis vs brain.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
