Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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