And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
