you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
