New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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