And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you win again, gameday.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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