I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
