haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
