I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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