By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
