It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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