I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
