If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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