we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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