Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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