I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
