Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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