is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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