I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize