I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
