if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
