She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
