I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
