i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
