today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
