I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
