i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
