i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
