i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
