Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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