Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
