What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
