I just threw up on my dentist
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
