My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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