i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
did you just send me my own nude
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
