Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
