i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
