Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
