census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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