Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
