I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
