Sober January is a disaster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
