I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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