So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
