first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
