Where is the hickey?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
