Kiss
Puke
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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