suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
