you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
