last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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